XXII - The tattered remains of french colonialism

Rarking around the country side on a 250cc dirt bike is up there with firing an AK47. I have spent the last 2 days fanging around the place looking at ruins. These being a bit less ancient that those at Ankhor.

The former seaside resort of Kep is an interesting place. The beach isn't all that but after being landlocked for weeks, surrounded by muddy water, it's all very pleasing. It was founded as a resort for colonials but now there are just the ruins of former mansions with cambodian squatters being the new inhabitants. Not that they live in splendor, theyre ju'st concrete shells as the villas were looted in the 80s to sell to the vietnamese to survive a famine. It rained quite a bit while I was there, which was rather appropriate for the place. They have cheesy concrete statues around the place. I'm down with anywhere that pays hommage to the crab :)


Today I headed up into the mountains to check out the remains Bokor, a french hillstation. It was cold as up there in the clouds. Finally found a use for my polyprop! Guidebooks say the road isn't for beginners. This is certainly correct, its rough as. Not unlike the forestry tracks up in the Tararuas Tom and I used to hoon around in as youffs. I was of course going hard out all the way up, jandals not exactly the bestest of offroad attire, but its all I had. They were fine exept when I put a foot down and they'd fly off. Spent 10 minutes looking for one on the way down. I get to the top and some mad b'stard has driven his Camry up there! A testament to the the build quality of a Toyota. In fact, about 90% of cars in cambodia are Toyotas. He does the run everyday taking tourists up there. I told him he was mad. Dirt bike is definately the tranportation method of choice. I talked to a european couple and it took them 2.5 hours to cover the 30k journey, I did it in about 30 mins. Silly tourists clinging on for dear life. Then again they probably thought I was mad, flying past with a toot and a roarrt and they're no doubt right! Barely staying on the track, but I survived with nothing more than a few scratches from the overhanging vegetation.

Former Catholic Church

Bokor covers quite a large area. Some of it was cleared for farmland (I'm picking thats what the several hundred acres of cutty crass was) There are the ruins of a casino, a hotel, lots of houses and a catholic church. The church was very cool. The concrete is covered in some form of orange growth and it was shrouded in mist. The Khmer Rouge holed up in there while the Vietnamese shot at them from the casino once upon a time. Interesting that back then one could baracade ones self in a building as a strategy, these days they'd call in an airstrike and it's all over. Standing on the roof of the old hotel was strange, I felt and intense loneliness up there, obscured from civilisation by the mist. Was hard to imagine the place being habited. Thats the idea of such a desolate place though me thinks. Then a ute would pull up and 15 tourists would jump out, missing the whole point of the place.

The town of Kampot itself is a dive although I have a nice room with bathroom for $2! There is a school across the road with kids chanting "nyah nyah nyah" all day. Then by night some strange creatures start up in a parody of the chanting children. I dont know what they are, but they live in the grass and there are many.

Learning here is all by rote. SE Asians cannot think out side the square. The don't understand my art because its not a direct depiction of anything in particular. An abstract concept is beyond their comprehension. This doesn't bother me, my art isn't for them. Although the lack of civilisation gets to me a bit. Travelling through this place has really instilled in me the importance of civilisation. As did Sumatra. Countries like this had it handed to them on a plate by the colonials. They then revolt, fair enough, I probably would too, but then choose to destroy all the infrastructure. The Khmer Rouge sent Cambodia back to the stone age, trying to regain the past glory of the Angkor days I think. Shows one cant impose civilisation on a people who are not ready for it. The road to Sihanoukville has been funded by the World Bank (according to a sign I read). Do they complete it in sections? No, they prepare the whole 30k stretch at once, then rather than sealing it, leave it to get full of potholes and fall to bits again while shovel toting labourers fight a losing battle to fill the holes. Third world problems aren't money related, it's a mindset IMHO. They'd rather build an extravagant victory monument than a decent road. I can't seem to create any decent work here, I suppose a mind that developed in the luxury of the developed world has trouble coming to terms with a more primative state of being. Rant rant rant...

To give the Khmers their due though, they do have a love of art. The Khmer Rouge tried to stamp out all culture. They turned Wats into pigstys and trashed angkor wat. The traditional art here is very cool. Its all Ramayana and Buddhist inspired. Naga bridges, statues of demons and gods... Rama and the monkey army, Vishnu churning the sea of milk. The mythology of the place is awesome and it's something we of the West have lost in favour of hard science. Maths and physics... it got man to the moon (or did it :) but its just so uninspiring... so unromatic... so dull. Ah, the joys of developing the right hemisphere of the brain!

Part XXI - Happiness is an AK47

The sound of an AK47 is impressive to say the least. I might say awe inspiring even. It is certainly a lot of fun when I'm doing the toting whilst pulling the trigger with glee! I see why there is so much warfare in the world. Firing an assult rifle in full auto is fun. Mr Kalashnikov must be so proud of his invention! I'm sure it's very difficult explaing to ill-educated and oppressed villagers that this is not a good solution to their problems.

So heres the tale... I was fanging around the countryside on a rented motorbike near the Thai border when I ran into a group of former Khmer Rouge militiamen. I wasn't much of a lucrative target however, being in possesion of only a few dollars. I got talking to one of the fullas and as I expressed an interest in their ways he decided to take me on their rounds. This was a fun filled day of border skirmishes with the thai army and a bit of looting and pillaging....

Well, heres what actually transpired...

A local guide took me out to a dodgy gun shootin' place on the outskirts of Phnom Penh. They had a range of activities to satisfy even the most inbread of hillbilly rednecks. Got a spare 200USD and you can fire a soviet made RPG, taleban styles... Can toss a grenade or get cracking on a heavy machinegun if that does it for you. I settled for a lash with the AK, followed by a few 9mm pistol rounds for dessert. After a couple of shots in semi-auto it was on to a full auto assault until there was so much dust in the air I couldnt even see the target anymore. On observation, the target was toast, having around 22 rounds in his torso. It wasn't exactly the most accurate grouping ever seen but who cares when you can just keep banging away until you hit something. After the AK, the decrepit old pistol didn't have much of a show, it jammed constantly and my arm was still wavering from the adrenaline rush.

Khmer Rouge victims at Cheong Ek

Following that, we headed to the Cheong Ek killing fields. They have a large monument full of skulls dug up from the region. Saw the tree they used to beat children against. Then off to the Khmer Rouge S21 detention centre. Thousands of people were tortured and killed at this former primary school. Theres still an awful energy residing in one of the blocks there which I hastily vacated. There are photos of many of the victims. The Khmer Rouge took meticulous records of their attrocities. The guards at the prison were children of 10 - 15, educated at an early age to be really sadistic torturers. There are some seriously horrific photos in there. Can't see how anyone could get off on such activties myself. Remove ones oppressor with an AK yes, but beating a shackled teacher or doctor to a bloody pulp? These guys made Auschwitz look humane. Shows how close to the surface the savage still remains I guess. Nah.. savages wouldn't be that perverse.

Some fulla at S21. The book says "Sex with children is illegal" so I surreptitiously took a photo. How could one resist...

Cells at S21. Although the filter on my camera made the colours rather warm, the atmosphere in there is quite the opposite.

The Khmer Rouge were never put on trial for their atrocities.

My 'flu like symptoms' have receeded so I have now vacated Phnom Penn and am out in the sticks at a small town called Kampot. The symptoms are starting to look somewhat like a mild case of malaria.

The road to Kampot was tarsealed but rough as guts and barely wider than one lane so there was lots of tooting and swerving around speeding lorries. The bus passed through a seaside town called Kep which seems to comprise of a lot of abandoned rich mans houses so I shall check that out me thinks. The landscape has changed finally. It was, yet again, flat all the way here but there are some impressive limestone karst formations about. Not quite up there with Krabi but still a welcome change. It is most pleasing to be within the vicinity of the ocean again. I still have an urge to get behind an AK. There are billboards dotted about the place touting disarmament so there is obviously still a lot of weaponry about. Cruising about the country side in the bus I thought it would ne nice to go running off into the wilds... an enjoyable fantasy but fantasy it shall remain on the account of the 6 million landmines still thought to be dotted about the landscape.

My drinking buddy at Angkor Wat

Part XX - Sean Penn gets the flu

Cambodia's a funny place. Number plates are optional here it would seem. There are rich men in nice new Landcruisers and poor people on ancient bicycles. Saw a Landcruiser run over a bicycle the other day. It provided a bit of entertainment from my vantage in the restaurant. There are quite a few beggars around. I got tired of giving to them real quick though. Give them a 1 USD and they'll sing your praises, give them 100 or 200 riel and they get shitty and want more so it's easier to ignore them. Had dinner at a place called the Dead Fish Tower the other night. They have crocodiles in a pond, right there in the restaurant. They're big enough to have a good gnaw on a person too.

Phnom Penh

I am currently in Phnom Penh staying at the lakeside backpackers ghetto at an nice guesthouse build on stilts over the lake. The people are really really friendly, cos they want me to use their moto services the cynic in me says. I still have the flu which really sucks! Codral is doing a good job of keeping my spirits up.

The bus ride down here was sweet. The roads here are really good, its just the road in from Thailand that is crap. Cambodia is so flat, flattest place I've ever been. Its all flat rice paddies and pasture all the way from the Thai border to Phnom Penh with massive lake Tonle Sap in the middle.

Phnom Penh is a surprising nice french colonial built city. Especially nice in that it was abandoned for 4 years in the 70s when the Khmer Rouge kicked everyone out and murdered most of them. It was a particularly affluent city with a vibrant cafe culture before then.

Other than that, nothing to report until I get out of the ghetto and see some stuff.

Heres the last mission in Siem Reap.

Flooded Forest

Went for a mission to the flooded forest with Emily and Jadie, the 2 brits. This involved a tuk tuk ride to the small village of Roulous then a boat trip. The morning market was in full swing as we passed through, was interesting to see a small town market in operation. The boat ride down to the forest was on a noisy long tail jobby, similar to the boats in Thailand but a bit more substantial. The 4 cylinder car engine on board was making some horrible knocking sounds and the captain kept looking back with a worried expression. We cruised down a small stream past cows and fishermen and crocodile farms and a village on stilts 5 metres in the air as the river takes back flow from the Mekong and floods in the wet season. The forest wasn't all that, didn't see any petrified trees like the guidebook said. We stopped in the village though which was totally untouristy which was nice after Siem Reap. We chilled for a while chatting to one of the local girls and talking politics with a fulla there. He'd actually been over seas and was quite clued up on global current affairs. Visited the local Wat which had awesome Buddhist paintings all over it, Sistine Chapel styles. The monk wanted Emily to marry him and the kids asked them for money. I, however, wandered around freely snapping photos of the paintings and drawing really terrible Buddhas for the kids.

Part XIX - Tuk tuks, Hey Mr? and the Real Tomb Raider.

There are kids all over the place trying to sell stuff... "buy my t-shirt" "buy a guide book"... "hey Mr, you want cold drink/something to eat..." Don't know when or if they go to school but they make more money doing this than their parents ever would have made in the rice paddies. There are ANZ Bank branches here. Alcohol is really cheap here too. A hippy of thai whiskey costs $1 and $10 for a 750 of Gordons gin. The bars have happy hour with 35c tap beer!

Temple Missions.

Day 1

Went on a temple mission today with a couple of brits I met at Naga guest house. Cool chicks. They hired a tuk tuk so I tagged along. A Cambodian tuk tuk is a motorbike with a roofed rickshaw like trailer behind. Does the trick and it costs $10 for the whole day. He's got a pretty sweet job, drive people to a ruin, chill out under a tree for an hour then take them to another ruin. Perfect job for an artist I thought. Chuck an easle on the roof rack. The drivers themselves do absolutely nothing but sit around waiting.

Detail of one of the gates at Angkor Thom

Went to the fortified city of Angkor Thom where lots of kids tried to sell us stuff. I bought a guide book which was excellent reading material while chilling out on the top level of Bayon. A temple ruin with about 200 heads peering out from it. It looks like a pile of rocks as you get up to it but its wicked when you hang out for a while and take in the vibe. There are sooooo many tourists here these days, its insane. Must be 10 times what there was when I was here 6 years ago. That said, most of the Japanese tour bus cretins hunt in packs so theres still peace and quiet to be had. They make great tourists but I think they miss the whole point of visiting an ancient ruin. Its so nice sitting in a shady doorway high up in a temple whilst under the stare of these massive ancient faces.

Bayon and your humble narrator

Saw the terrace of elephants and the terrace of large breasted dancing girls.

Went to the Thommanon but it was more of the same so stayed in our mighty chariot overseeing the whole affair.

Climbed a 50 meter high temple pyramid called Ta Keo and did some Qigong on an out crop right at the top. Was awesome, grooving out to the Qi enhanced view of the forest canopy.

Went to Ta Prom which they used some of for the movie Tomb Raider. The front entrance I think. Its a wicked place. This temple has been left pretty much in the condition the french fullas found it in the 19th century with massive strangler fig trees crushing the 800 year old ruins. Very cool.

Ta Prohm

Day 2

Got up at 10 past 4 this morning to go see the sunrise at Angkor Wat, the largest religious structure on the planet no less. Was an interesting experience crossing the bridge into the complex in the darkness, nice atmosphere. Slowly and rather unspectacularly it got light and half of Japan turned up as it did so.

Angkor Wat and Bayon are both representations of the Macrocosm of the Hindu universe with Mt Meru, home of the gods in the middle. I wandered into the place and climbed straight to the top to commune with Vishnu and co but feeling shattered after a 4am start, I went to sleep for 2 hours instead. Solid sandstone is surprisingly comfortable when you're as tired as I was. Then by the time I walked out and got some breakfast the girls were ready to leave. I'll no doubt mission back out there tomorrow though and check out the impressive bas-reliefs of the monkey army and Vishnu churning the sea of milk. Angkor Wat might be the largest but it lacks the atmosphere of places such as Bayon IMHO.

An unspectacular photo of Angkor Wat

Had a look at another temple called Preah Khan, even more in ruins than Ta Prohm. All sorts of interesting colours going on there with the different moss and lichen patches. Then headed off to a pool that was used for ceremonial bathing with a cool tower in the middle. There was no water in the pool though, it hasn't held water for hundreds of years apparantly, yet they managed to snap it with a good sized puddle in my guidebook.

Preah Khan

Day 3

Hasn't really happened thus far and its now 3:40. Got some sort of annoying cold or sun stroke or something, much to my disgust. Will attempt to mosie on out for an evening mission though.

Update!

Its funny how the universe will throw things up to challenge ones view of things. I was just beginning to think that europeans were a bunch of loud mouthed inconsiderate w@nkers, ever ready to blunder into the perfect photo or spoil the mood with their babbling when this Spanish fulla Santiago turns up at the guest house. He's an amateur photographer and 'environmental expert'. Thats his job title, not what he professes to be BTW. Good sort. The Israelis are currently on the out however for playing hacky outside my room and making a general racket late into the night prompting references to Hamas and Hezbolla on my part.

I managed to get my lurgy ridden arse out to Angkor Wat despite the viral content of my blood and it was awesome. All the masses were on their way out and very few were coming in which was a good sign. I came well provisioned with a huge bottle of water, some scary Cambodian liquor and a Coke chaser. This spirit was some strange stuff. Its made here by Chinese people I'm picking cos its got all sorts of chinese herbs in it. Its supposed to build muscle and fight fatigue which is a good thing as I had it for medicinal purposes. I found a nice spot near the bas-reliefs gallery to loiter and medicate myself. The liquor was some rancid stuff, tasted like the medicinal herbs Tania used to cook up on the Allenby stove. But it went down well and I was feeling well in the mood for a journey around the 600m of bas-relief that encirlces the main temple enclosure.

There were a few lingering tour groups but there were whole stretches with no body in sight. Excellent! I walked past depitctions of Vishnu churning the sea of milk with lots of scantily clad celestial dancers being the result of his toil. There was Rama and the Monkey Army doing battle with the forces of some demon or other and all manner of entertaining fodder. Funny that it was totally different from what I remember 6 years ago. Must have been the Happy Pizza. I found a nice dog to hang out while topping up my blood alcohol and then discovered the place had been over run by monkeys and there was not a person in site.

A quick stroll through the forest took me to the north gate where I killed a bit of time in total peace before wandering back into the temple proper. All the monkeys had left, as had all the people too. There was not a person in site. Awesome, the Tao had lead me on a path to experiencing Angkor Wat at night, all by myself, no sneaking in necessary!

I climbed to the top level and facing the east gate, proceeded to do some Qigong. Not much visualisation is necessary with a sybolic Mt Meru behind and a forest and massive moat in front. Gradually it got darker and darker and the sounds of crickets and bats took over.

Eventually I had worked my way through Ba Duan Jin and Jen Ji Dao Kit Kuen (supreme ultimate fist!) plus once through the Taiji form and it was time to mosie on, in pretty much total darkness. I managed to descend the rather steep stair case from the upper level without plummeting to my death. Its supposed to represent scaling a mountain and is rather an accurate representation. It was more treacherous than climbing Gunung Sibaya! On the way out I passed a really cool shrine which I was going to take a photo off but this old man was there and obviously p1ssed off that I was still there, grunting and guesticulating at the door. He was the only other person in the complex from what I could tell.

Eventually I finished the long walk along the causeway to the front gate and my moto driver was still there waiting for me, so cruised on back into town.

Choice bro!

Part XVIII - The Spiders from Mars

Cambodia is my current location.  Siem Reap would actually be a nice town except its rainy season and there's mud everywhere.  This place has really taken off from when I was here in 2000.  Where there used to be one bar there is now a whole street of tourist bars and restaurants.  Everything here is priced in USD.  Used to take Baht too.  They're not into taking Baht too much these days though since 2 years ago when the Thais laid claim to Angkor Wat.  No surprisingly, the Khmers are very proud of Angkor Wat so burnt down the Thai embassy creating quite the international incident. 

The journey here was a proper  b'stard.  Actually stronger words are in order.  I was feeling rather slack and didn't want to get stuck in the Cambodian border town of Poi Pet. Lonely Planet lists it as a 'hole' with no redeeming features.  Anyway, ended up on one of these crap bus scams.  Caught the bus at 7:30 in Bangkok.  Had to wait until about 9 before it left and it then proceeded to the border at an incredibly slow pace.  Then we had to wait at the border.  Then cross the border and wait for about 3 hours.  Didn't get to Siem Reap until midnight where they drop you at a guesthouse on the outskirts of town.  Serves me right for being lazy and taking tourist transport when I'm quite capable of getting about like the locals.  Seems to be very little waiting around, I just arrive, totally unaware of the time (I have no watch)  and there's a bus about to leave.  Learnt that trick in Sumatra and it seems to work universally.  This would have got me there 6 hrs earlier!

The road has not improved in 6 years, I think it has actually got worse.  Although there are now buses instead of the back of a Toyota Hilux.  In the feeble orange headlights of the bus the road surface looked not unlike NASA images of Mars although I think it would be a smoother ride on Mars.  Maybe they should develop a commercial version of the Rover for Cambodian use.  I think a hovercraft service would do real well.  At one place there was a detour sign before a rickety wooden bridge which we hooned right past.  The drivers helper / guide hopped out, jumped up and down on it, then we cruised over anyway.  We had only been moving for about a half hour before the driver got out and filled up the radiator.  Then the aircon  stopped so he got out and fixed that.  Then the suspension.  All part of the time waste to get you in town in the middle of the night.  So many people had left excellent feedback on the whiteboards there, guess they were grateful to have accommodation after an arduous trip and weren't savvy enough to realise it was a scam.

Yesterday was pretty laid back.  Had breakfast with 3 fullas, a Malaysian, a Japanese and an Indian from new york.  An unlikely bunch we were, met them on the bus.  I'm not into supporting scams, so left and found a decent guest house in town.  Got some tasty restaurants here and Internet access.  Decent broadband, no decent road but they have a good Internet and mobile network!  I had a very good dinner with an English chick comprising of a Cambodian fish dish called Amok.  Highly recommended!  Gave a $ to a dude with no arms.  He was jovial despite his condition and very pleased. $1 will probably feed him for 2 or 3 days at local prices.  There are a lot of amputees here due to the several million land mines still dotting the region. 

This moto rider kept harassing me for custom.  After a little while the idea looked pleasing so I jumped on for a $1 hours ride around the place.  We cruised around a bit, me scoping for people from my bus but naught to be found so I asked to go to a cheap bar, so he takes me to a "massage"parlour.  Gets a commission I take it.  So I went in for a look anyway.  There was a large window behind which sat about 20 very beautiful, very bored Asian women.   They probably have to sit there all night.  All these older Chinese looking dudes were coming and going.  I got the guy to drop me off at the tourist bars.  What a horrid place, not unlike Khaosan road but a bit classier and without the markets. Was a lot of awful, loud western music there all competing with each other.  After toying with the idea of getting a drink and having a yarn, I stumbled across a really good bookshop which was infinitely more interesting than the dreadful cacophony outside.   Did enough drinking in Ayutthaya I figured so was quite content to have an early night.  I saw Happy Herb Pizza on my way back, I remember that place from last time : )

I was going to attempt to get into Angkor Thom for a night mish... there being a nice full moon but gave up on that.  There is so much cloud, one can't even see the moon let alone wander about ruins beneath its light.  Still got a big gash on my shin from a barbed wired fence in Ayutthaya!  The sun does shine during the day here however, followed by an awesome afternoon downpour.  More like the rainy season I remember as opposed to the constant cloud and smog of Bangkok.

Goings on in Bangkok before I left...

People seem to be friendlier of late, not sure if its the vibe I put out, the effect of the full moon or what.  Its big Buddha day today as a young Thai fulla called it (Buddhist lent I just found out) so there is a public holiday today and tomorrow.  Kind of put a spanner in the works for acquiring some USD to get to Cambodia.
 
After 2 hours of massage the other night I was feeling pretty good so hung out in the gutter in search of frivolous banter.  No beer necessary.  Had a good chat to a french Canadian.  I think she was a lesbian, looked like a boy, spoke with a deep voice and had a strong handshake.  Good sort though. She had Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy in French.   She's living with a bunch of young Thai fullas.  Good way to experience the culture.

Kebab o'clock came around and it came was some excellent 'street theatre'.  This dorky looking European fulla was standing against a wall looking like the noddy he was.  This overly made up, bling wearing Thai girl with an arm full of shopping, a new bag and false smile was standing across from him at a food vendor.  She turned and waved at him and said "Bye".  He immediately walked over and grabbed the bag and shopping off her.  She was trying to snatch her new treasures back and they had a little scuffle and some heated argument.  Was most entertaining for both me and this Spanish lass sitting at the Kebab stand.  In fact I was laughing my arse off purely at his expense but serves him right.

There was this crook as Aussie guy at my guesthouse the last night.  He was a good sort so I gave him some Codrals and he was feeling much better.  Cant go past those good old legally obtainable opiate and amphetamine pills.  Cure anything, well, makes you feel cured until it goes away of it's own accord anyway.


Better get out of here before the afternoon storm!

Part XVII - Beer Chang and Lara Croft

Still hanging in Ayutthaya. Its a worthy place, my only grievance being the barking dogs all over the place. There's an expat English metaller named Des staying at Baan Suan (my guesthouse) at the moment. He works in Bangkok and can speak very good thai, which is amusing to watch. We've been out the last couple of nights cruising the backpacker bars chasing skirt and talking about cricket and Iron Maiden. Drank way to much on thursday night and hung out in the ruins for a little while ony my way back. The big doors on the prang at Wat Ratchaburana were unlocked so I descended down into the crypt. Creeeepy..... Got back home about 3:45 and had to find my way in tomb raider styles... up the fence, along the roof and onto the balcony to get in. Had the hell hangover and its not pleasant in the relentless heat so I spent the afternoon at the nice cool internet cafe playing games. Played Red Alert against this local kid but my skills are a bit rusty and he wasted me.

Last night was a bit more sedate. A couple of quiet beers on farang street.

I went in to recon this bar but it was just full of men talkin' shizer. This dude sitting by himself looked interesting so I rocked over for a chat. Turned out he's a french scholar by the name of Saul. He's been studying Peter and the prophet Malachi and has written a book. I took a look at the manuscript, he's going to rewrite it in a format more palatable for the masses though. Da Vinci code styles. Had a good yarn for a couple of hours about juicy subjects like early man and aquatic ape theories.

Would you believe it. Some little Thai sh!t stole my sandals from outside the internet cafe. May dreadful tinea, gout and any other nasty podiatric complaints plague him for as long as he is in possession of them! They smelt really bad too, maybe a dog ate them.

Aaaaggh. Another hangover! Back down at farang street last night with Des was I. Bad influence is Des. There weren't many people out, met this nice dutch girl though.

Ayutthaya is like a warlord state, much like Mogadishu, but run by dogs. I was wandering around town with the dutch girl in the wee small hours of the morning and every street had its own resident pack of stray dogs which would bark and growl at us. Getting near my guesthouse though, the leader of the local pack came over, tail wagging big doggy grin. She always looked at me with sad eyes when ever I'd walk past. I must have been around town long enough to be accepted as part of her pack as she walked all the way down the street with us and the rest of the pack came too. When a dog started barking at us from behind a gate, she moved in close to the dutch girl and growled at the other dog.

Nearly forgot, I saw a fight! In the street outside the bar, this obnoxious fat balding farang started yelling in thai at the thai barman. I think he thought he was overcharged. The thai took the discussion in side as the thais aren't much down with loud arguments (saving face is everything here) but next thing they were rolling around on the floor. Was great! Des and I ran in to sort it out.

Back in Bangkok now. Khaosan road is as horrid as ever, especially having been away in a much better place. Was a pretty easy trip, a tuk tuk driver at the bus station even pointed the way to the city bus I needed. I ran into Saul at Khasoan too. I was beginnning to take for granted the friendliness of the people I ran into at Ayutthaya, travellers included. I went to the common area at my guesthouse and said hello to this european woman there and she just looked at me. Horrid, horrid place....

Got a not very good thai massage from this mad old woman named Suphap0rn. In Bangkok I got a massage from a woman just named P0rn. Good old thai names.

Gotta get myself across the Cambodian border pronto, cutting it pretty fine with the expiry date on my visa. Looks like its going to be full moon while I'm at Angkor, wicked! Will have to find a local to take me on a nocturnal temple visitation.

Part XVIb - More ruins

Ayutthaya is definately a cool place. Loads of large undeveloped grassy areas as they're protected as part of the historical park.

I did the whole ruin sneaking thing again last night. Well, no sneaking this time. I went off insearch of another ruin and took the scenic route this time, after some time I still hadn't found it, strange, its huge. So I walked across this large area of park land and suddenly there it was in all its glory. I was at the back of it and there was no gate so in I strolled on in.

Once again I spent ages in there and ran into a Canadian fulla doing exactly as I was. Bus loads of tourists would turn up outside every now and then and try to take pictures of the ruins 100 meters away with a flash. duh... I wandered around for some time then when I was lying down taking a particularly cool photo, I turned around and saw this dude standing over me saying "no". So I got booted out and headed back to my 'house.

There are actually lots of people staying at my place at the moment. The first night it was just me. I had a yarn to this tidy little Japanese girl by the name of Timoko . She said she was in house removals. I though surely not, must have misheard... until I saw her bicep. Seem to be running into a lot of Japanese.

Thats all folks.

Part XVIa - More adventures at the ruins.



Yesterday morning, astride my mighty decrepit bicycle I set off around town to check out ruins. Wat Sumphullaehbro on the other sie of the river was cool. Lots of decapitated buddha statues.

After getting my fill, I headed off to the other side of town, quite a considerable distance to an old Wat that isn't in ruins. It was cool, except 4 coach loads of green clad school kids turned up making a hell of a racket. So I kept that visit short.

Ahh.. another post necessary today.

Part XVI - Ayutthaya

Well peoples. I finally got out of the rut that was keeping me in Bangkok. I kept sleeping in past checkout time so would end up in town for another day. Theres only so much inspiration one can get from sitting on the pavement with a beer. Some people make a life of it, I'm not sure how they manage it, maybe I didn't drink enough beer. I did however get some good work done. Scary sight, a few days ago I went to reception and grandma was sitting there with no top on.

I am now in Ayutthaya, which was once the Thai capital until the Burmese laid waste to it. Which was a good thing from my perspective cos now theres lots of cool ruins there! I could easily imagine the sounds of the Burmese as they rampaged throught the place. Most people do Ayutthaya as as 500 baht day trip from Bangkok so you get to turn up with a whole lot of other tourists. I chose the more adventurous option. Catch a local bus and stay in town for a couple of days. Was easy as. I hired a decrepit old bike to get around on. The locations of the ruins are reasonably compact but it beats walking.














My guest house is quite nice lots of greenery about (see below). Luxury compared to my Bangkok digs. It is damn hot here, don't know how they could be arsed to actually wage war. Then again, setting elephants loose in the enemies capital would no doubt be quite entertaining. Better than a day in the rice paddies...















The net cafe is pretty sweet. Dirt cheap and has comfy armchairs. It full of kids playing games though, the only problem being is I can hear someone playing Red Alert and now I want to!

The bicycle is a highly underated mode of transport in this day and age me thinks. I it great fun to cycle drunkenly about town in the middle of the night. I managed to get some really tasty pad thai. Quite different ot the Khaosan Road variety, much tastier... then again, I'd had a couple of beers. I was in charge of the condiments at Khaosan too, come to think of it.

Hmm... the internet went down so its now 2 days later...

I know it was nawdy but... I snuck into the ruins cos they're heaps better at night.

I set off, beer in hand for the whole 5 minute walk to the nearest ruins. They look choice with the spot lights on them. I was walking along the outsite of Wat Carmina Burana and there was an old security fulla waking along there too. He new what was on my mind but I guestured that I was going to stay outside and walked all the way around which was worthy anyway.

Then I walked down the street to Wat Daphukisdat and it looked really inviting. I kept on wandering around the wall but when I got to the back the wall was low and I was up on it taking a pic anyway, so I climbed on in for a look around. There was an awesome atmosphere, intense, sneaking about from shadow to shadow. Security are lazy, they sit at their lit up little both near the gate and stay there. They're probably there mainly to stop the local kids from loitering about sniffing glue like at the first ruins I visited in town. Rubber cement seems to be the solvent of choice for the asian youth, I saw the little cans in Georgetown too. Any way, I spent about 2 hours wandering about the place. Found a really cool buddhas head crushed by tree roots and was lying down taking a photo when I got narked out by an astute dog. So I had to escape pronto and discretely scale the wall back to the street.

There are 6 internet cafes all in a row here and they seem to be full of kids and youths at any time of the day. Thought I'd avoid them by arriving in the morning, but no.

Hmm.. seem to have reached the photo limit. Time for another post.

More ealier photos from Georgetown.

City gallery. It has another name but I forget.

Cool ruins

The mosque where I got told off.



At the gallery again.


The same mosque


Creepy graveyard.

Some earlier photos.

Chinese fulla chillin on the porch.

Clock tower in Penang.

My secret temple hidden in the forest.

Inspiratation for a certain historical figure maybe...

Contemplating how to pose with a BFG. War museum at Penang.
Temple complex at Penang
Observing some reptillian critter.

Some more random pictures.

2 Japanese hippies trying to decipher some japanese script in the french girls diary. At an undisclosed location off Khaosan Road.

2 Second delay action shot at a Wat at the old palace in Bangkok.

Rampaging bovine. A very small part of the Ramakien mural at the above Wat.

There is a very made up thai girl sitting opposite me doing her utmost to get my attention at the present time. The jury is out on sex of origin however...

Some Random Pics. Hmm.. can only upload 5 at a time...


What happens to the household spirit house when it's time for an upgrade. I found a couple of dumps like this near Songkhla. Both under big shady trees by the beach. Incidentally, there was a dirty stinking piggery and a couple of fish meal factories nearby as well as an ailing seaside resort which was for sale. Funny that.


Down a gravel road I thought looked interesting near Krabi. I assume these fullas got sick of living neolithic styles.
The view from the temple I climbed 1200 steps to admire. The exact view I had for my Qigong no less.

Part of the temple on the hill near Krabi

This is a busy as road in Bangkok. All lit up all pretty like for some reason. Something to do with the King taking the throne 60 years ago. There always seems to be some royal hoo haa when I come here.

Part XV

Sawasdee krap, (in Thai, a word that sounds like excrement is actually the equivalent of making polite conversation)

Got the jitters from that grunty Thai redbull and coke. Makes typing interesting...

I've been slacking around in the Khaosan Road area for the last few days, living the life of a bum artist. I have no problem with this however as I'm getting some good work done. Thus sitting on the pavement with a beer is actually work, beats helpdesk : )

'Tis amusing.. as one gets near the end of Khaosan road you get the chorus from left and right of "tuk tuk", "tuk,tuk" , 'tuk tuk"... then a furtive "ping pong show..." had to laugh on my way home down the alley.

Ran into a dodgy Greek the other night while I was chilling out with a beer at a table set out on the pavement of Khaosan road. He was selling stories to survive, much like Jason used too. I bought his book, it's about his experiences scraping a living in the Khaosan road area and seedy side of Bangkok. Made very interesting reading, quite a heads up for the place. All about prostitution, theft, drug trafficking, lady boys, all the farang walking hand in hand with their Thai "girlfriends", stuff not in any guidebook. Paints a dark picture of both the Thais and the farang that hang about Khaosan. Funny though, he lives in a dark shady world, I don't think the guy realises that he brings it on himself. Probably all he's ever known. My world has a rather different appearance. I was sitting on the pavement last night drawing a particularly cool picture. IMHO. These 2 older Thai woman came over and hung out. They shared some peanut like things with me. They weren't after my dosh, just being friendly.

My current guest house is cool (still the same teak place), down a quiet(ish) alleyway off Khaosan. Seems to be popular with Japanese back packers. Actually more accurately, Japanese stoners. Must have been advertised in the Japanese NORML news or something... There's a dude there at the moment with an instrument which is a cross between a didgeridoo and a trombone. Made of PVC its basically a didge that you can change the key of. Cool idea. He's pretty good on it too, gets the rattle going and busts out the animal sounds.

Was on my way home down the alley and heard the familiar "Thai massage for you, sir", which I 'd heard each time I walked down there, but this time it seemed the perfect end to an evening I felt wasn't over yet but hadn't made up my rasoodock what to do with the rest of.... Thai massage rocks! (whoa.. the intensity of that statement! You'd think it was my first.) They had a CD playing of Thai instrumentals of European classics. Picture Hotel California with Chinese sounding instruments. Really cool at midnight while you're getting a massage. I stipulated a female masseuse. Blokes do a good job (being therapeutic after all, better than some 18 year old hottie with no strength in her hands) but it's nice to get a bit of Yin energy with the treatment. The 30 odd woman I got did an excellent job. BTW. For those not in the know, you actually go to a Thai massage place for a genuine massage! Its a form of passive yoga.

Another day of adventures... well not really.

I couldn't put it off any longer, it was time to go shopping today. This involved catching a local bus to Siam Center which was really easy. I asked people for the correct bus number and it turned up just as I got to the bus stop. It dropped me off right outside too and cost a whopping total of 7 baht (30c). I saw loads of old European dorks taking their Thai "girlfriends" on shopping sprees. Sat next to one on the bus (not by choice, was the last available seat BTW). He was totally unfriendly. When he went for his change a couple of condoms fell out... No surprise to me, I already had a pigeon hole for him (no astrology necessary). They can call it what they like but its just an exchange of goods for sex. Companionship too I suppose.. (Hah... sounds like a traditional marriage : )

There's a couple of old Japanese hippie/prophet looking fullas staying at my place now. One of them has a mandolin looking instrument and I woke up this morning to him playing the flute. Thought "wicked... I've woken up early!" It was half 11.

Time for a kebab!

Yet another day.

Went to the palace today. Its wicked. There's loads of dazzling temples which aren't very photogenic. I prefer ruins meinself. I bought a mini tripod yesterday. The coolest thing about a mini tripod is the "2 second delay action shot". Put camera on the ground in front of something cool them leap in front of it. Kept me entertained for most of the afternoon. They have an impressive mural of the Ramakien which is the Thai version of the Hindu epic the Ramayana. Goes right around the outside wall of the main temple complex, well over 100m me thinks, and its awesome! All sorts of interesting subject matter and a wicked style. About the only bit I could decipher is that some fulla recruited the leader of the local bovine community to rampage in the enemies village then one of the enemies somehow convinced the beast to come into a cave where they slaughtered it.

Saw the emerald Buddha which is actually jade. Apparently the Burmese or Khmers stole it then the Thais stole it back. Then they lost it and found it again. Not sure how that fits in with their belief structures... I could pinch really cool brass Buddha images from temples all over the place, but I, like most other patrons are aware of the Karma that would come with such a nefarious act. There was some serious energy coming off it. I suppose it is a form of crystal after all and has had millions of people focusing on it for eons. I found the atmosphere a tad heavy and didn't tarry. The over bearing weight of organised religion maybe?

I managed to cross one of the busiest roads in Bangkok at rush hour on my way back, 4 or 5 lanes it was. All bear witness to the greatness of it all... Was like my brother parting the Red Sea, effortlessly walking through a great gap in the seemingly constant flow. (Its great sharing the name of a great biblical prophet! Provides endless entertainment. Thanks Mum :)

Hmm.. for some reason I'm back in the Internet cafe. Probably escaping from the ladyboyz and hill tribe peddlers as 11pm came around and my road side bar just kicked me out. Going purely on physicality, some of them look hot as (many a drunken (or not even) fool shall fall for it!) but something just isn't quite right. I detect the Yang energy on them from way off, like a mosquito smells DEET. As quoted in my book from the Greek "Ladyboy just the same as a woman..." sorry bro, it ain't.

Wicked, there's a deaf Thai girl next to me gesticulating wildly at the web cam. Better that than some noisy yank talking loudly on an IP telephony client!

Has been a night of some worth spent with a beer (or 2...) and a bunch of Japanese creative types. Apparently the Japanese have been coming to my particular guest house since the 70s... although this old fulla (with a laptop full of cool media BTW) reckoned its more the 80s. The things Lonely Planet devotees miss out on eh? Sure, a guide book is really handy but the bible (Koran/Torah/Ramayana/Tao Te Ching...) it is not. I sat there creating a rather pleasing illustration of an etheric couple dancing (interesting the variety of muse from place to place) while they rambled on in Japanese. It's very pleasing to the ear, Japanese, quite fast but mellow. Then again, they're Japanese stoners... They spoke English too when questioned but I couldn't understand a word of it! Well, 1 or 2 maybe. A french dude came in for a while. In characteristic Cancerian hospitality I spake unto him "Bonjour monsieur". Got no response for ages before the eventual "were you talking to me?" Nah mate, the 3 Japanese fullas...

I now own an ashtray with a naked woman curled around inside it. Its pretty cool actually. Call me a patron of the arts. Now, who can I palm that off on...

Not one to bore people with my dreams but...

Yesterday I dreamt I was seeing a terrorist bomber ( bearing no resemblance to anyone I know). She'd say "I have to go out for a while" then some sh!t nearby would blow up. I managed to put 2 and 2 together but what can you do? Can't nark out ones lover and cant change someone which such deep seated conviction. How worthy is that?

Part XIII - Lucky for some

Khaosan Road. Horrid backpackers ghetto that it is.

Confucius say "man who walk through turnstyle sideways..."

Rocked into town at 6am after a 10 hr bus ride and found myself a nice little quiet windowless cell in a cheap concrete guesthouse. Someone had drawn a mural on the wall of my room and the irritating sound of tuk tuks is barely audible.. Can get onto the roof which is an excellent place for Qigong.

The 11 hour bus ride was pretty sweet, had loads of room on a VIP bus that was actually what it was marketed as plus the company of a particularly hot Swedish sociology student. There's been some impressive electrical storms since I got here, one of them was pretty much constant thunder, right overhead for a couple of hours and torrential rain. The thunder didn't rumble, it was more of an eardrum splitting crack.

Stayed there for 2 nights but last night I woke up seeing a creepy looking asian ghost.. well, sleep paralysis styles. Wake up and the image is still there for a while, haven't had that since staying at Cara's mums place... Think I'll paint it. Then someone accidentally burst into my room a little while later, he got the hell fright. "uh... solly" Strange coincidence. Hmm.. So I moved to this awesome old teak building down an alley. The people are friendly and there's just a real nice vibe there, not diminished by the deformed but ever cheerful daughter...

Just been to the Bangkok art gallery which is wicked! They are currently running an exhibition by Israeli photographer Alex Levac and its really good. B&W images of daily life in Israel with a humorous slant, such as; a camel kneeling to a poster of elvis, a woman sunbathing in a bikini outside a high security prison, a worker with his face in the crotch of a female statue. All very amusing... Worth taking a look if it comes to a town near you. (Can someone at Gen-i please flick this to Mr Ginther cos postmaster will probably block it as per usual)...
They also had an impressive exhibition by thai surrealist painter Kiettisak Chanonnart. Well worth looking into, inspiring as he uses some similar ideas as I do but his work is quite different, they were even good enough to be selling a book of his work for a bargain : )

The gallery also comprises of some cool old traditional thai works, some paintings by King Bumipol and that masterpiece of sculpture, "Two stallions licking each others balls" well, that's not what its called but its what it is anyway...

Speaking of Israelis, I found a kebab shop on the way back home, thanks to the abundance of hebs and their inability to consume the local tucker. It was good too, more a pita pocket full of kebab fillings but I wasn't complaining. It was very tasty! Dare I say it, I had a Burger King voucher in my hand at the time which I was going to use. Shame on me! I'll redeem myself tonight with traditional Thai delicacies such as Pad thai and banana pancakes.

Part XIII

Friends, family, colleagues and droogs.

I am in Krabi. Been here for 4 days and its rained for a good portion of each of them. It's ok though cos I like rain and Krabi is cool. Got System of a Down cranked up at the moment too and its going off!

I have just walked up 1200 really steep steps to an awesome buddhist temple on top of a jungle clad limestone pillar. The first real good work out I've had in some time, harder than climbing Sibayah, pretty much straight up. I was cursing in annoyance by about the 900th step but grunted on up then ripped my shirt off and collapsed at the top for the next 5 minutes. The view at the top is absolutely incredible! Can see for miles in all directions, the coast, islands, limestone out crops all over the place, plantations, rice paddies and Krabi. Awesome. The sun even came out for the first time in days.

Being such a cool location I decided to do some gongs. I did Jen Jhi Dao Tai Kit Kuen for ages looking at the best grouping of limestone. Then ran through the Taiji form a few times and did it with surprisingly good coordination, very stable, then did Ba Duan Jin to top it all off and was feeling pretty damn incredible by the end of it all. I ran into a scottish yogi and a dutch desciple while going through my form. The scot got me to film him doing his yoga. They were dudes, older sinewy fullas like I'll be after a few years of qigong : ) Spend about 2 hours up there, alternating between gonging out and being a camera toting tourist lout. The rain came in and gradually obscured the surrounding scenery, then sprinted barefoot down the steps in the hope of beating the rain back to town. Just got on the bike when it absolutely p!ssed down so I chilled out for a while in a shrine. Ran into some poms on my way down who had walked in from the road and it had taken them 2 hours to get almost to the top only to get there just in time for the rain.

I've hired bikes 3 times since I got to thailand and got totally saturated every time. Went to Ao Nang yesterday, which is a beach nearby. Very touristy though, fancy restaurants and farang bars, not really my thing. It was raining heavily too, as soon as I got about a km from the place. The next beach downs pretty cool though, trees with buttress roots right on the beach and limestone islands just off shore with locals peddling dried fish and other traditional foods.

On the way back to Krabi I passed through a very cool limestone formation area so rode into a palm oil plantation thinking of doing some qigong. Perfect spot, surrounded by young palm trees encircled by forest covered limestone cliffs, awesome... except this large swarm of mozzies enveloped me as soon as I got there and as I'd left my repellent behind, had to exit the scene pronto.

Ran into a young canadian fulla on the first night here, good sort, so we got on the p1ss at the funky monkey bar. It had a wicked wooden sculpture of a chopper outside and stubby coolers (beer jackets). We had a ladyboy bar "maid" in a skimpy red dress. Was entertaining. He (the canadian) is on his way to NZ. Ran into an old pom living over here the next night who reckoned he'd seen a kebab shop down by the bangkok bank. Yum, had me hanging out for Kebab. Can't find the place though. Gutting! Need to open a worm hole and move Abrakebabra over here. I love thai food, but not for every meal every day. Get used to such a variety of culinary delights living in cosmopolitan cities such as Welly. Laksa from Satay Kingdom... Mixed veg kebas.. good fish n chips...

Got a cool guest house here, huge room with window, decent restaurant and in house internet cafe. Got a nice little stash of sounds hidden on the hard drive.. Only 100 baht or $4.12 NZD and it's run by a family of really hot thai chicks too : )

Been watching a bit of football as the world cup is on everywhere here in the evening. Still can't get excited about it though. Sit through 90 mins to see maybe 2 goals and a bunch of men rolling around in the grass in orgiastic delight! Well.. the Swiss did a couple of nights back.

That's about it from here.

Part XII

Yum... just had a tasty feed! Went to this small local food outfit and I couldn't really figure out what they sold but I ended up with some delicious sate noodles and my choice of salad from a large variety she put on my table. Interesting assortment there was, some of it was just coarse leaves from some unknown tree.

Yesterday... was wicked! I found a Cobra up on weng chan hill. I'd been wandering about this ancient stupa and was walking down a huge stair case when I head a hiss and a crackle of leaves. Just over a metre away was this big black cobra, slinking off into the grass. I so wanted a photo so threw a couple of sticks into the grass but couldn't rouse it. Figured it wouldn't do to probe around too much having seen the way the smaller cobra attacked the cage when Mike was looking at it. I found a cat in a pagoda up there too so hung out for a while. He purred loudly when I gave him some attention. I surprised the cats here let anyone get near them seeing they're on the menu!

The day before I hired a bike, treacherous little thing it was, narrow tires with poor grip and a big grunty disc brake on the front. Definately a ride to be treated with respect! I was heading out of town just as the makings of a storm were appearing, before long it stretched right across the horizon, a big black ominous spectacle heading right toward me. I decided to press on, after all, I could take shelter should I need it. I crossed two really long bridges across the inland sea to an island which is ony about 200m away from Songkhla across the inlet. Found a couple of really cool little muslim fishing villages, wedged between a cliff and the sea. The road was a narrow lane through them with 2 story houses towering over. From the looks I got it was apparent not many westerners got over there. Was like Sumatra in that regard. There was a vehicle ferry just about to leave for Songkhla, should have got on it... anyway, I kept on around the island as the front hit, a bit of wind and little else and the sky was a lot lighter behind it. So I kept on, looping back to the road to Songkhla, sweet, I'm doing alright, thinks I and then, just as I entered about 3km of very exposed bridge, the storm hit. Strong gales, heavy rain.. delightful conditions for an afternoon ride! Did alright, just kept low and kept going. I wasn't the only bike caught out but they stopped. There was no way I was going to stop out on the middle of that bridge getting pummelled by heavy rain so eventually got to the other side and found a tree to hide under. Of course, off the bridge, most of the wind went away, so I cruised on back home anyway, ever mindful of the big bisc brake and poor tires. Once I got back it rained for a little while then cleared up, typical.

Songkhla is full of oil workers and retired old western fullas. There are heaps of them here, but no tourists. It's an ideal place to live for farangs, its only 1 and a half hours from the Malaysian border for the necessary monthly visa runs. Aparantly there are curfews around here in southern thailand due to the civil unrest. Doesn't seem to have affected Songkhla itself. The local islamic terrorist organisation have stated they wont target foreigners or the tourism industry, they just want their separate state. The only thing remotely military I've seen so far was a camo clad soldier on a scooter with an assault rifle. In Penang they had 12 gauge toting security gaurds in the bank and at the jewellery stores, Bumitputra Commerce was a bit more low key, they had an old fulla with a glock who would open the door for people.

Part XI

Songkhla

Another day, another nation, another language, another alphabet...

Having had my fill of Penang, I slipped across the border yesterday and am now in Songkhla in the muslim south of Thailand. Songhkla is a laid back university city situated on a peninsular. It's got a nice beach, not spectacular but theres a very pleasant palm lined boulevard. There are no tourists here, there are a few old codgers at my guest house though. It's more a place older foreign dudes come to live for a while rather than hoards of backpackers or the tour bus masses. Can rent houses here. I found out about it from the strange old german fulla in Sumatra. My guest house is run by an old dutch woman. Virtually nothing is in english here and no one speaks it. To make matters worse, Thailand uses sanskrit so I can't even read what the word is, let alone translate... it's all just meaningless squiggles. No problems though, I got dropped off right where I needed to be and managed to get food and water with little difficulty.

I was beginning to wonder about the place when I arrived to the smell of sewerage, the scene of marauding dogs and associated excrement. The smell seems to have passed and I haven't seen many dogs today, maybe they were holding council. Although, my room smells a bit odd, I've tracked it down to the paint. Its a nice big room though and costs less than my cell in Penang. Theres not the continous racket of motorbikes that plagues Penang either... just the hideous sounds of the karaoke bar down the street. Most of it's in Thai but I head one fulla destroy a Scorpions song (Thailands favourite german rock band! Probably the only country that listens to them...) and some girls attempted Zombie, good attempt considering the Cranberrys singer struggles to stay in key anyway.

I got some crap directions from the dutch woman to the internet cafe but couldn't find it so went to the beach instead. On the way back I asked the woman I bought a pork bun off (not up with the penang variety, more like welly variety) where it is. She tried to draw a map, then got a friend to dub me there on his bike. Sweet!

Also a wicked bonus! I found a stationers and saw the Rotring logo in the window. Rotring make the best ink pens money can buy and I've coveted them for ages. I bought a set for about $45, they're about $120-$150 at home, or $75 for 1 pen!

The trip here was cruisy as. Expressway all the way from Penang to the border, then good 4 lane highway all the way to Hat Yai, where I changed to a another bus. The border crossing was pretty cruisy too, and it costs nothing for the visa, better than bothering to organise a visa before hand. Was very much a spur of the moment decision to come up here, was going to go south and do a loop around Malaysia but from what I heard, it's just more of the same but probably not as cool as Penang anyway. Then it occured to me that I'm near the top of Malaysia anyway, can always see more of Malaysia if I've got time, got to get back down that way for my flight out.

Cool, theres a school procession going past playing drums and other percussion instruments.

Here's what went on in Penang since the last chronical, that I didn't get around to sending.

Penang

After a couple of rums, note* only 2, I decided it would be cool to find a vantage point to check out the city by night. After consulting with the guesthouse management, it became apparent there's no road up Penang Hill. No worries though, Mike jumped on the back and we headed off up the hill to my temple in the jungle. The road was very skillfully constructed, it afforded absolutely no view of the city the entire way up! We wandered along the path to the temple, which wasn't too difficult, despite the fact neither of us brought a torch. The atmosphere there was O for awesome although there isn't exactly a panoramic view of the city. So I did a complete set of Qigong and Mike did some Karate. On the way back we stopped in at a fancy restaurant / conference centre I think it was. There was no one about as it was closed, so we wandered into their courtyard. They had a good view of the city.

The route back goes past the state mosque, which is impressively lit up at night. Alas, some guys had inconsiderately fallen off their motorcycles, right where I wanted to take a picture! There were people standing around and a dude lying on the road with blood all over his face so I figured it wouldn't be prudent to stop there. I popped down a side road hoping for a good photo but no luck so kept on, trying to navigate back to my digs. Unfortunately the massive 64 story Komtar building (which makes a good nav beacon) is not well lit at night. After some time I recognised where we were, which was heading in the opposite direction to where we should be. Very close to the snake farm tmple I couldn't find in fact No worries, knowing where we were it should be easy to get back. Ah, no... ended up on the expressway heading to the end of the island in completely the opposite direction. Not the first imte I'd done this exact same manouver either! Got it sorted in the end and got back about 2am. Mike was getting pretty sick of it by the end, not surprising really..

The next day was sight seeing day. Headed up to Batu Ferringi and had a beer at the beach. The only other people there were some fat old people and they were playing music that made the Breeze sound up beat. Checked out the butterfly farm. There were all sorts of interesting critters there. A cage full of scorpions, which were really hard to rouse, blowing at them would get a bit of a response but not much. Really wanted to stick my hand in... The stick insects were awesome, a lot bigger and more sinister looking than the ones at home. Cruised past the durian orchards.. ugh.

Another day.

Snapped some good photos while walking around the town under the influence of royal stout last night, then went shopping. There's Chinese buddhist prayer shops all over the place but I found the Warehouse equivalent of a Buddhist supply store! The place was huge and had all sorts of brass buddhas and the like. Some were 2 metres tall. 35000 ringgit will get you an impressively large brass water feature for your temple!

There is a once grand derelict building a couple of streets away. It comes complete with bats, creepy trees and the ground is crawling with yellow striped centipedes. Cant get upstairs though cos the floors all rotted out. Got dealt to by mozzies there though. Something odd happened to my nose cos it went hard and numb... strange. The old christian cemetery down the street from it is pretty cool. Its really creepy. While I was there at 10am it was dark as due to the thick canopy of frangipani trees planted there. All the graves are covered in green moss and creapers. Had a torrential downpour while I was there but no biggie, some old timer had the forethought to have a dome built over his grave.

Went to the mosque today. I was outside taking photos and this dude who was riding down the footpath on his scooter, came up and told me I could go in. Figured why not, so took a look. I was walking around, camera in hand looking like a real tourist and this fulla told me off for being where I shouldn't. 'twas ok though, another fulla showed me around the place. I had to wear a blue coat though. He showed me the family tree of prophets including my biblical namesake Harun, aka Aaron, bearer of the rod.

I've started posting photos online, so this is where you'll have to go to see them in future. http://www.flickr.com/photos/86997343@N00/ next thing I'll have a blog... scary thought! Nah.. then no b'stard would read it : )

The pork buns here are delicious! Not like what they try and fob off as a pork bun at the vege market in Welly.

I saw a fulla fall of his motor bike today. Was funny as. There was a horrendous noise, so I looked around just as this bike goes flying past in a shower of sparks followed by this dude, arms flailing, doing about 50k on his @rse! Didn't seem to suffer too much harm. He leapt straight up, gestured at the car behind him not to run him over and rode off.

Part X

Wicked, it's 6/6/06. Although it'll be the 7th by the time you all get this anyway. Saw a licence plate with 666 but I don't think the world has ended yet...

I tried a Durian the other night. The so called "king of fruit". It was disgusting. It's comprised of this white ice cream like substance but it tastes yuk. I had 2 small bites and it left a horrible taste, then when I went for the chiller they told me I couldn't mix beer with durian or I'd die. Great! So I had a coke instead, then felt sick for the rest of the evening. Tasted not unlike an orange fruit I got the other day which left my lips sticky like PVA and had a texture of onion. Didn't eat much of that either. As tropical fruits go, I think I'll stick to mangoes and pineapple. There are reasons why we don't bother importing this cr@p I suppose... and Just Juice doesn't have a Durian variant : )

Tiring of the 'hos, lady boys and hideous whinings from the Chinese puppet show, I have found new lodgings. It used to be a Buddhist Mok some time back. Has a nice atmosphere. There's an indian fulla there named Raffy. He read my palm, was most fascinating, very well done. He does Cobra massage too, a worthy complimentary treatment for the acupuncture. Uses lots of pressure points and releasing stagnation in the channels. Not unlike Tuina.

Malaysia appears to have stange liquor laws / customs. After a b@stard morning yesterday of driving up and down motorways trying to find a temple full of snakes, which I had to abort in the end, I decided it would be prudent to have a beer and put it all behind me. I found the cheapest beer I have yet seen and it happens to be a premium Danish drop called Royal Stout made by Carlsberg at 8% alcohol. Go figure... it's really good too, only need 1 in this climate! It costs half the price for a hippy of spirits than it does for a large beer.

I was walking around thinking about food when these toothless old chinese women gestured for me to come over. They had a food stand but I couldn't really figure out what they were selling other than there was a pile of noodles on the counter. Decided to go for it anyway and they made me the most tasty seafood noodle soup I've ever had.

Can be a mission negotiating the motorways over here, one moment I'm heading north towards my destination and all of a sudden it'll loop around and spit me back out on a another motorway heading to the other end of the island.

Mike is here (for those who know Mike) He came rocking into my gusthouse last night. Got a bike today and went back down to find the Snake temple. Dodging in and out of the traffic with a passenger on the back, things got a bit wobbly at times but not too bad. I asked an indian fulla at the roundabout near where my useless map showed the temple to be and he gave us excellent directions to the place. It wasn't all that though, a few little green vipers around. Went into the snake farm next door though which was ok. Had a venomous baby Temple Viper on my hand, they're deadly but choose not to bite, cos I'm not their prey. Got in the cage with a massive python too.

Headed back to the massive boddhisatva statue via a rather circuitous route due to a combination of the Penang roading system and a tourist map with roads that look like fat wobbly worms with no place names. Checked out the rest of the temple complex this time. Theres temple after temple all to different personas of Buddha. Cool place. Theres tacky tourist shops in some of the temples which seems a bit off to me. Felt like busting out the Jesus styles.. flip the tables over and chase them out with a stick. Suppose they need to fund the place somehow. I hung out by the large statue while Mike was getting an extended lesson in Buddhism from a monk there. This dog decided to be my mate and followed me around the place, was nice except his idea of fun was to keep biting my leg, till I chased him away. We climbed the Million Buddhas Pagoda. I don't think there were quite a million depictions of Buddha in there though, maybe a couple of thousand...

It is nice having a bike for another 24hrs. Get to ride my lazy @ss around to the internet cafe rather than walking the whole 5 minute journey : )

Went to the furnicular (cable car) being just down the road but it's school holidays, busy as with annoying kids and a long wait so postponed that yet again.

Strange, the radio was just playing an obscure hip hop style Enya remix...

Oh no.. now the dude running the cafe is watching what sounds awfully like WWF.

"...brought a 2 by 4 down on Monty Browns back...."

Outta here, there's a predatory mosquito on the rampage in here.

Part IX

Salamat Malam, (Malay is very similar to Bahasa Indonesie! They all understand English though anyway)

Still in Penang, it's a cool place, well... it's really hot actually! Checked out the museum where they had all these paintings from the colonial era, local landscapes and portraits of pompous old poms.

Went to Fort Cornwallis. It a 19th century outfit that never actually fought any battles. It's named after the governor general of Bengal at the time, must be some form of aristocratic butt kissing I imagine. "Sir, look at this nice fort I built in your name!" Had a nice atmosphere amongst the trees and parrots and chickens. There were even a pair of horses grazing there for some reason. They were cranking out some classical giving it a very historic British air. Probably go back tomorrow and sit amongst the canons drawing.

Going to be here for a while as I wait for the LTSA to fax me some licence details so I can hire a motorbike. Damn civilised countries! : ) Indonesia didn't care about whether you were licenced or not. Then again, Indonesians didn't really seem to care much about anything...

Actually found some tasty food today in the form of a laksa. My last couple of meals being a bit of a disappointment. Little India and I can't even get a decent curry! The laksa here is quite different to the Singaporean style, there's no coconut cream in them, the soup is made of ground up mackerel and tamarinds. Quite tasty, very fishy though, just as well I had some gum!

[resumes the next day]

A night at the opera...

Last night I was wandering about the city in search of some kai when I came across this wicked Chinese temple with dragons carved out of the stone pillars. I was taking some pictures when this Chinese fulla Ang called out to me. He told me that the place was his clan house and that they run a traditional Chinese opera company. They don't advertise it in English at his grandmothers request, it's by word of mouth which is the old Chinese way. The temple was closed for the night but he showed me the room beside it, the clan meeting room. His grandmother was there, she's ancient with a cataract in one eye. The room has photos, some really old, of clan ancestors and the family tree.

We jumped on his bike and went to the place where they were having the opera. A temporary stage set up on the street. Its moves around from temple to temple all over Chinatown. I went back stage and checked out the performers putting on their make up and had a go on some of the traditional instruments, tried the harp and that 2 stringed violin type thing the busker dude in welly uses.

They do the opera in honour of their deities. Apparently the government wanted them to do it for the tourists for money but they weren't down with that so they pretended they'd forgotten how to do it. There was some ritual at the start, incense burning at a nearby temple. They had massive incense sticks 2m high and about 20cm in diameter. A dude came around giving out tasty little cookies with brown sugar in them.

Eventually the opera started, some toothless old crone with grey makeup came out and rambled on in a conspiratorial manner then out came some extravagantly dressed people talking in strange high pitched Chinese. I checked it out for about an hour or so, was entertaining. Not something you see every day. More a labour of love than anything for the performers, there weren't many people there cos they prefer to watch telly these days.

Starving, time for breakfast.. um.. late lunch.

I have decided...

Penang rocks!

Who can argue with a place with place names such as Cheapside and Love Lane, which happens to be my address. There are 'hos on Love Lane. Well, I'm picking that's what the extremely hot but hard looking hindu ladies just down the street are.

LTSA came through for me and I'm mobile again. Yeah! Usually they're breaking my ass, not helping it...

Hired a bike and cruised out to the old world war 2 British fortress that they've turned into a war museum. Got to pose with a heavy machine gun. Woo hoo! Checked out some bullet holes from where the japs executed prisoners. Saw the gallows where they hung the Japanese general... oh the horror, the horror!

Cruising the city during peak traffic is heaps of fun but not for the faint of heart. Unlike the sea of fellow bikers and pot holes and fish drying racks of Indonesia, there is a sea of cars and traffic islands that we bikers get to zip in and out of. It's quite simple really, find a gap, go for it. Gaps tend to appear right when you need them too. Just have to watch where you're going and not sight see too much. There are even some dedicated motorbike routes. Petrol is cheap here, less that 2 ringgit per litre, i.e. less than $1NZ

Saturday

Been cruising around the island all day which has been most worthy. First I headed out to find the cable car up Penang hill and a nearby town called Air Hitam which is supposed to do a good Ayam Laksa. Found the laksa first, was ok. Had lots of lime tasting leaves in it. The local laksa is a worthy dish but the Singaporean variety is nicer IMHO. Everyone was there at the markets being Saturday and they all brought thie cars. I saw an impressive looking Buddhist temple up on the hill and went up to check that out. The road kept going on up so I followed it as it looked particularly interesting. Turned out it was an access road to the reservoir and some TV aerials on the hill. I went up and up and found a track going off into the jungle marked with a sign in Chinese. Up for the adventure I set off and about 3 minutes later stumbled upon a temple among the trees. There was no one about so I rocked on up to investigate. It appeared to be in honour of Lao Tsu. I'm assuming that's who the statue of an old beaded man in a blue robe with trigrams on it was and some other fulla too. I lit some incense and chilled out there for a while. Had an awesomely calm atmosphere and an excellent view.

Upon leaving it seemed appropriate to coast down the hill which was a most enjoyable way of descending the mountain. Got down to the temple and went in. There's this mammoth Bodhisattva statue there, all in bronze. Largest of its kind in the world apparently. They're currently assembling some massive carved pillars there to house it. The place is Buddhist but doesn't seem to be far removed from the Hindu origins, utilising swastikas and multi-armed deities. Not sure what the deal is, my knowledge of Buddhism is patchy at best. Found some sanskrit flags that were identical to the pages I found up on Mt Sibayak.

Another road headed on along the hill past the temple so I went for a nosey. It continued for quite some way and I saw 2 iguanas and a squirrel, all running for there lives in terror as my mighty black Honda bore down upon them. Wasn't going all that fast...

I headed off to the cable car but every man and his dog was there on the account of it being Saturday so thought I'd leave that to Monday.

After leaving there, a mish to the botanic gardens was in order. They currently have the 16th International Penang Floral Show there, finishing Sunday. Skillful timing on my part... Got some impressive shots of the orchids. Rude little plants that they are. They had some impressive floral art displays based on the 5 Chinese elements too.

Botanical urges satisfied, I headed off to the top of the island through an insane amount of traffic. Motorbikes are definitely the answer here. Got up to Batu Ferrengi which is a resort outfit with a nice beach and big swanky hotels. It was full of fat old Australians by the looks. A replacement destination for Bali maybe? I tarried not and headed on further up until I got to the National Park. Quite a nice spot there, lovely little secluded beaches amongst the rocks with monkeys hanging out. The mosque in town cranked up while I was there. (yep, another predominantly Muslim country) and a bunch of dogs out on a fishing platform in the bay started howling at it.

A strange little metallic spider leaped onto my bare (beer?:) belly, I tried to get it to leap into the tree above but no, he decided to abseil into the sea. I thought, oh well, off to his demise but no.. he motored away under his own power, off out to sea. Strange critters over here. Saw a little walking fish there too. Saw what the guide called a cicada the size of a sparrow in Sumatra (no exaggeration).

After some time it was getting late but not feeling like heading straight back I followed the road on around the island. An excellent little scenic drive past a massive new reservoir, lots of jungle and some Durian plantations. The road got quite high up into the hills a couple of times too with some impressive views, lit by the setting sun. Saw a little car full of asians with an All Blacks sticker in the back window and felt mighty patriotic. Go nationalism!

Georgetown is so multicultural. Loads of Chinese, lots of Indians, there are churches and mosques, Hindu and Buddhist temples. High rise apartments and quiet suburban neighbourhoods. I'm yet to find a slum. Ads for yoga and retreats for monks. I saw a Scottish Freemasons lodge and even a couple of suit clad Mormons, bible in hand. There are seedy hookers and transvestites literally a stones throw away from a traditional Chinese puppet show. (Right on my street : ) The British left behind a very vibrant, diverse and particularly cool city. ...a parade just went past outside, complete with brass band! Some sort of Chinese festival I think...

A stark contrast to Sumatra, where, apart from some dilapidated old buildings and a cool clock tower in Bukittinggi, it's rather hard to tell the Dutch were ever there. Well, apart from the rampant Catholicism (Katolik I think they call it) in the north... I'm not sure if thats an improvement on the traditional Animist beliefs or not...

Not to dis Sumatra too much though. Actually, I've been back in the civilised world for long enough now to formulate an informed opinion on Sumatra rather than an emotion driven one. West and North Sumatra to be precise, as that's all I visited. The more heavily populated North Sumatra is dark and savage. The Bataks were cannibals. Ran into 2 people wandering about with guns, hunting I assume. Nora had a gun in her lounge. I never felt in danger anywhere though, they're not hostile people. Theres just some sort of dark primieval energy underlying the place. Some of it found it's way in and I'd really had it by the end. The Qigong wasn't having much effect at dispelling it either.. except on the top of Sibayak which seemed to be free of that bad vibe. Certainly eating with the hands and crashing through the jungle getting bitten by leeches, ants and mozzies has a certain de-civilising effect on the psyche which took days to clear, along with the tummy bugs! It was like a weight lifted as soon as I got on the ferry.

West Sumatra and the Minakabau people are a completely different kettle of fish however. The mood is light. They sit around in the evening strumming on the guitar, singing folk songs and it's pretty good too. I haven't had a game of chess since leaving there either. The place is a shambles and there's rubbish everywhere but it has its charm. There is still rain forest about and fruit trees everywhere, its like man and the jungle are in harmony. Basically if there's not a rice paddy, habitation or a road there, it's jungle. In the North, so much of the jungle has been cleared and the jungle I did visit felt inhospitable.

Sumatra is definitely an adventure and there is some real cool stuff to see and do. It's also kind of nice being a novelty item that everyone wants to say "hello" to.